Anxiety feels like it is becoming debilitating now that am not taking part in ED behaviors. It is like I lost my escape and my inability to deal with my fears is overwhelming. I am a perfectionist who does not care, but does. I don't feel bad about who I am, I love who I am but I don't want to let other people down. I don't want other people to see me fail. My mind is trying to figure these things out right now. How to separate myself from material, to stop measuring myself against a friendship, a test a degree of being more than I am. I contradict myself, as I am just who i am and I thought i was happy in that. Yet, i prevent myself from happiness because I struggle to be more. I am so uncomfortable with my anxiety, with my fears. I let them rule me and leave me paralyzed.
I will own each moment. There is only now and I must be present in. That if I just stay in this moment then the next will come and the next and I will continue to make progress in my life. I need to live without trying so hard. I am indecisive and I weigh decisions so heavily sometimes it hurts. I want to feel each moment whether it hurts, is sad or makes me anxious. I just need to learn to except these emotions and not look for my escape. I love you self. I will do my best to make you better. I will do the work, i will make the leaps and I will find us a way to become that girl we have always wanted to be.
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