Day 44.....

Day 44. 6 weeks + 2 days. 1 month + 2 weeks + 2days. There are so many ways to write it. Each day that goes by adds on to the math that makes up my recovery. A recovery that starts so simply, so quietly and so scary. Day 1. I did not picture myself here 44 days ago. I wonder if anyone with an ED does. When we enter treatment facilities and our meals are monitored and scored, we are comfortable in loss of control. Or, not comfortable but at least it takes one worry off our mind. Or maybe I should not speak for anyone else because we are all so different. Each one of us has a distinct and perfect fall into ED. So, when I was in treatment I found that I felt relief in knowing i was on someone else's terms. I was happy to play by someone else's rules. there was no room for ED when I was in the treatment center even though that is all we talk about. I have always known I wanted to recover. I just have never wanted to recover as well. (oops forgot to post)